


It's You

by aurawinterrain



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is suffering, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto is sad, Drinking to Cope, Heavy Angst, Konoha Akinori is a good friend, M/M, Mentioned Konoha Akinori, Mentioned Kuroo Tetsurou, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, akaashi is sad, everyone is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23700472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurawinterrain/pseuds/aurawinterrain
Summary: "Konoha-san, what do I do?""You two weren’t going out at all. For three whole years, it was unrequited love on your part."-Bokuto and Akaashi are dating for three years, but their relationship isn't as perfect as it seems to be. When Akaashi thinks back on their three years together, he comes to a conclusion - that Bokuto wasn't really in love with him. So when he finally decides to call things off, how does Bokuto react, and the end of the day would the pair be able to solve their problems?The fic is more interesting than the summary, I swear.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 141





	It's You

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a fic that I would normally write. It was interesting to explore both perspectives in the relationship. I don't know if it's obvious, but in the first part, it was in Akaashi's point of view. He isn't the most reliable narrator when looking back at their relationship, so do bear that in mind when you are reading through the fic. I saw the quote (in the summery) somewhere and was inspired to do something about it, so this fic was born. It was originally supposed to be a short angsty one, below 1000 words, but the story wrote itself and I ended up with this. I don't particularly like this since Konoha seems to switch sides (he isn't really on anyone's sides, but he does want both of them to be happy.) I would also like to say that Konoha said that line (you two weren't going out...) because he has only heard Akaashi's version of their relationship. So don't take it that it is the truth :'>

Akaashi placed his glass down, sucking in a shaky breath. “Konoha-san, what do I do, now?” Konoha blinked, not knowing how to respond. The setter had called him up an hour ago, choking on sobs, not forming coherent sentences. The only way he could think of to make akaashi feel marginally better was to invite him up to his apartment, where it was at least cozy and warm. Konoha had barely touched his tea, but Akaashi was downing them like shots, almost as though the warmth from the tea could fill up the emptiness in his heart. 

In the 5 years that Konoha has known akaashi, from high school to university, and now even when they are working adults, he had never seen him so broken before. “Akaashi,” He started out softly, feeling his heart ache for his poor kouhai. “You two weren’t going out at all. For three whole years, it was unrequited love on your part.” He saw Akaashi’s face crumple up, as tears started to cascade down Akaashi’s cheeks like a broken faucet. 

“ _ I know _ ,” Akaashi whispered, covering his face with shaky hands. “ _ But I love him so much, Konoha-san. I don’t know what to do with these feelings anymore. _ ” Konoha remained silent. What else was there to say? He wasn’t in any position to give any advice, all he could do was to make sure that at this moment, Akaashi wasn’t alone. 

-

“Bokuto-san, I like you,” Akaashi confessed, looking down at his feet. He didn’t want to look up, didn’t want to see Bokuto’s disgusted expression, didn’t want to see the pity that would be splayed across those beautiful features as he rejected that sudden confession. There was a moment of silence, then: “I like you too, Akaashi.” Bokuto responded cheerily, continuing to roll the net up. “No, Bokuto-san…” Akaashi swallowed, unsure if Bokuto was really this dense, or if his senior was just giving him a leeway to escape. Still, he went down this route, he might as well convey his true feelings. 

“I mean, I like like you. I like you in the, ‘I want to marry you’ kind of way,” he forced out, feeling his throat constrict as he anticipated the disgust, the rejection-

“Oh. Well, if that’s the case, why don’t we start dating?” Bokuto flashed Akaashi a bright smile. “If I dated Akaashi, that would be the best thing ever, because Akaashi is perfect!” The setter felt his heart rate speed up when he heard those words. He wasn’t expecting this at all, he was expecting the heartache, the awkward conversations… not  _ this. _ Still, there was something weighing on his chest. 

He knew, from accidental eavesdropping, that Bokuto was straight. He had gushed about Karasuno’s manager (Yachi, was it?) countless times to Konoha, saying how she was  _ “totally my type” _ , and that  _ “I really want to protect her against any form of danger!”.  _ He knew for a fact that Bokuto liked small, cute girls. Not someone like Akaashi, who was just 1cm shorter than him. Bokuto liked meek, gentle, loving girls. Not Akaashi, who was blunt with his words, and would not hesitate to call his captain out. Bokuto admired girls who could stand up for themselves, girls who are right smack in the middle of being too vulnerable and being too confident.  **_Definitely not Akaashi, who couldn’t even deal with his own insecurities -_ **

“But Bokuto-san, aren’t you straight?” Bokuto seemed a little taken aback by the question, pausing in his movements. 

The captain considered the question for a good two or three minutes, before meeting Akaashi’s eyes. “I thought I was straight too, but if it’s Akaashi, I think it’s fine.” Akaashi gritted his teeth, not pleased with such a half-assed answer. He dropped the volleyball, closing the distance between them and grabbing Bokuto’s face in his hands, pressing his lips against Bokuto’s.  _ His lips taste like peppermint. _ Akaashi thought, as he pulled away and rested his forehead against the taller’s. 

“So, Bokuto-san… “

“Akaashi,” Bokuto was blushing furiously, reminding Akaashi of a teenage girl who just got kissed by her crush. “Can we do that again?” 

And so, even though Akaashi had his doubts, he allowed Bokuto to sweep him off his feet, he allowed Bokuto to gently push those insecurities out of his mind. He was too caught up in his own feelings, he never realised that Bokuto could very well just be riding on his overwhelming love. 

During their first year together, everything seemed to be progressing smoothly. Even though Bokuto left for university, he made sure to assure and reassure Akaashi that “ _ I won’t cheat on such an amazing boyfriend like you,  _ **_keiji._ ** ” During their time together, they always had fun - or at least Akaashi thought they always had fun. Bokuto was like a perfect boyfriend, he was understanding, he was patient, he was a reliable stone to fall back on. In a sense, while Akaashi was often described as being Bokuto’s anchor, he knew that the relationship ran both ways - they were both each other’s pillar of support. 

It was when Akaashi actually entered Bokuto’s university, did he realise just how much he was being shielded from. Bokuto was constantly surrounded by girls, who would often crowd the gym during practice matches and even on their normal practice dates, there would be a gang of girls cheering Bokuto on from the sidelines. Akaashi never said anything against it, he knew that his boyfriend loved the screams and cheers from the crowd. He knew Bokuto felt invincible, and he wouldn’t let his own personal jealousy destroy the confidence that would push Bokuto into tip-top condition. 

Still, it didn’t end there. Bokuto was seemingly oblivious to their advances on him, often allowing them to touch him casually. He accepted their invites for drinks so easily that Akaashi started to wonder if that was why Bokuto barely had time for him when he first entered university. It wasn’t long before their daily interactions turned into fights - small, petty arguments that usually resulted in Bokuto caving and apologising, even when it wasn’t always his fault. Akaashi felt himself start to pull away from the relationship, feeling his previous insecurities crashing back down on him like a tsunami. It took him a whole year to convince himself that maybe, just maybe, Bokuto might love him back, but it only took one look at the girls clinging onto Bokuto before that was broken. 

Looking back, it wasn’t the most healthy relationship. There was always one party that was giving more, one party that cared too much, one party that ended up upset. Akaashi had deluded himself into thinking that they would eventually work out all their problems and that everything would be okay if Bokuto was by his side. After all, Bokuto was his rock, his inspiration,  _ his star.  _ Without Bokuto, Akaashi wouldn’t know what to do. 

So when he decided to break things off, three years later, he realised just how much he was holding Bokuto back. Bokuto was always careful with his words around Akaashi, he was more perceptive than others gave him credit for. Bokuto never made Akaashi feel uncomfortable, even when they were arguing, he made it clear that he still cared for the latter.  _ Just not in the way that Akaashi wanted him to.  _

“If you aren’t able to see me as anything more than a friend, Bokuto-san…” Akaashi said, clenching his fists to prevent them from shaking so much. “Then please, don’t toy around with me anymore. Three years was enough, you gave me more than enough happy memories to last a lifetime. So thank you, for everything you’ve done for me…” Tears were threatening to overflow, and just like the day he confessed, Akaashi didn’t dare to look at Bokuto. He didn’t want to do this anymore, it was emotionally draining, spending his weekends pretending that he was fine when Bokuto was out with his ‘friends’ doing god knows what. He was done second-guessing his partner - Bokuto didn’t deserve that. 

“I’ve held you back for three years now, and it’s time I let you go.” Akaashi said, then grabbed his coat and belongings, leaving Bokuto standing in the middle of their shared apartment. Perhaps it was selfish of him, to hurt Bokuto before he could get hurt, but it was his only way to keep himself together. Because if he didn’t make the first move, who would? In the end, the only one getting hurt would be himself - or at least that’s what he thought. He managed to pull himself together to walk away from the relationship, but once he was actually out of the apartment building, he broke. The tears blurred his vision so much that he had to lean against the wall to keep his balance, his hands were trembling so it took him forever to fish his phone out of his bag and call Konoha. 

So that was how he ended up wasting his nights spilling his heart out to Konoha, who was, thankfully enough, very patient. The blonde waited until Akaashi exhausted himself out, then carried the younger male into his room, tucking him in like a mother would. The quiet that had settled upon the duo was shattered when Akaashi’s phone started to ring. Startled, but not wanting the sound to wake the latter up - he looked like he needed the rest - Konoha decided to pick up the phone. 

“Keiji-”

“It’s Konoha.”

“Right. Akaashi is with you? Thank god, I was scared he was wandering out on the streets in the rain.” Konoha looked out of the window, and it was indeed pouring cats and dogs. 

“What about you? Where are you?”

Bokuto chuckled, though it sounded sad even over the phone. 

“You don’t have to pretend like you care, Konoha. You must be wondering what the heck is wrong with me for letting Akaashi go like that, aren’t you? It’s fine, you can be honest.” 

“... I do care. Both of you are my friends. I don’t want to see both of you hurting yourself over this, too. You know? In the years that I’ve known Akaashi, I don’t think I’ve seen him cry this much.” Bokuto sighed. 

“I know. The expression he wore when he bid goodbye to me, I don’t think I can forget that. I… I knew how much this was hurting him,” His voice broke, and Konoha knew that out there, Bokuto was hurting too. “I didn’t want to keep hurting him like this. He didn’t trust me, not with all those stupid fangirls around me all the time. Whenever we get time to spend together, I feel like he’s trying to build this wall between us so he wouldn't be hurt when we break up. What’s worse is that he always feels ready to pack his stuff and leave, it’s almost like he’s expecting me to break up with him one day. But  _ why would I- _ ” 

Konoha didn’t know what to say - everyone thought that they were the perfect match. Bokuto was overly energetic, the only one who knew how to tame the wild owl was Akaashi. When Akaashi was down, the only one who could pull him out of his slump and read his emotions well was Bokuto. It was just unfortunate that they had their own insecurities, and that was what tore them apart in the end. 

“I might have said something wrong, then.” He admitted, finally, remembering his words that caused Akaashi to break down even more. “I told him that he was only habouring one sided love for three years.” 

“... That’s how he felt, at least, for the past two years. _But that doesn’t mean that_ _it was true._ I loved him too- love. I still love him. I didn’t run after him because I could see how much this was hurting him. When it started raining I got worried, so I just dashed out to look for him without thinking…”

It was then that Konoha realised the background noise on Bokuto’s end was  _ rain. _

“Where are you? Do you have an umbrella?” 

“... I must have failed as a boyfriend, if he really felt that he was in a one-sided relationship the whole time..” Bokuto’s voice was getting fainter, and then the line cut off, causing Konoha to yell Bokuto’s name in panic. He cursed, glancing into the room to find that Akaashi was stirring, woken up by the sudden noise. 

“Konoha-san? Is everything okay?” 

Konoha exhaled slowly, setting Akaashi’s phone down on the table. 

“Well, Bokuto was on the phone. He ran out to look for you in the rain, and I think that big idiot ran out without an umbrella. I don’t know where he is, but the line cut off suddenly and I’m jusr afraid- I will go look for him. He shouldn’t have gotten far, I told him you were here and he must have been on the way home, or on the way here.” 

“I’ll go too, then. I will feel responsible if he died while looking for me.” 

Konoha flinched at Akaashi’s choice of words, but he knew Akaashi long enough to know that he was worried. 

The both of them split up to look for Bokuto, thinking that it would be faster if that was the case. Konoha opted to search near their apartment, while Akaashi decided to look at places where he often hung out, since Bokuto could have been looking for him there. When he was rounding the corner to the coffee shop that they frequented on their dates, he spotted a figure slumped in the alleyway. Quickening his footsteps, he knelt down next to the person to confirm that it was indeed his (ex) boyfriend. Bokuto’s face was contorted in pain, and his cheeks were slightly flushed. 

“He has a fever… He really is an idiot.” Akaashi mumbled to himself, hoisting Bokuto up and looping his arm around Bokuto’s wasit to keep him up. Together with Konoha, the both of them managed to get Bokuto back to their apartment, since it was nearer. “... I’m sorry for troubling you, Konoha-san. But I think I should stay here for tonight, to take care of … Bokuto-san.” Konoha looked like he wanted to protest, but shut his mouth after thinking it through. 

“I hope you work things out, then. Because Bokuto may be an idiot, but he knows who he loves.” 

Akaashi’s eyes widened at that statement, wondering what exactly did Bokuto tell Konoha. Then, the blonde left. Akaashi stood there for a moment, letting Konoha’s words sink in. Shaking his head, the setter went back to Bokuto, deciding that the least he could do was take care of him until he was feeling better. 

-

The first thing Bokuto noted when he finally pried his eyes open was the cool cloth on his forehead. He blinked lazily, still trying to remember what happened the previous night. Ah, right, Akaashi left. It started raining, so he ran out to look for Akaashi, not wanting him to be alone, but he left in such a hurry he forgot his umbrella. Then… what happened? How did he end up back here? Groaning, Bokuto pushed himself up in a sitting position, immediately regretting the action when a wave of dizziness crashed into him. He sat there for a moment, trying to reorientate himself, before padding over to the door slowly.

Something smelt nice from the kitchen, which was weird. Unless Konoha was the one that brought him back yesterday night? “Bokuto-san, please don’t walk around when you’re sick… stay in bed, I’ll bring breakfast to you, if you feel like having some.” Akaashi appeared at the door, and pushed Bokuto gently towards the bed. “Rest, okay? Your fever is still really high.” 

“Keiji… how- why…” Bokuto felt like his mind was a mush, and it wasn’t working as fast as he wished it did. 

“... I found you last night with Konoha-san. We brought you back but you were running a fever. Since you ran out because of me, I feel like I should be the one taking care of you-” 

“Ah? You don’t have to feel obligated to take care of me just because… I’ll be fine by myself, Keiji. So if this isn’t what you want to do then you don’t have to…” 

“Who said I didn’t want to? Lie back down, your fever has fried your brain.” Akaashi ended the conversation, tucking Bokuto back in despite his protests. “Before, you never really relied on me.” Akaashi continued, his voice growing softer. 

“So now, just let me take care of you.” 

-

Though the first few days were awkward, it was almost like their bodies knew how to interact with each other, and they slipped back to normal pretty quickly. Even after bokuto recovered from his fever, Akaashi continued to stay at their apartment, saying that he was too busy to look for another place, so could they just be roommates, for now? Bokuto seemed a little hurt when he heard the word ‘roommate’, but if he was against the idea, he didn’t let it show. It was almost like they reverted back to how they were before the confession - closer than friends but not close enough to be called lovers. 

While it was not the most ideal situation, Akaashi felt like it would be alright. He no longer felt like he was holding Bokuto back, and Bokuto no longer felt like he was a failure at making his partner happy. Still, when Akaashi saw how Bokuto interacted with his fangirls, something stirred in his chest, and when Bokuto saw images of Akaashi laughing happily with Konoha, he couldn’t help but feel jealous.  _ It was for the best _ , they reminded themselves.  _ He would be happier this way.  _

So, their lives continued as per usual. Until one night, Bokuto stumbled home, dead drunk after a gathering with some of their teammates. Akaashi had opted out from the dinner, saying he had ‘plans’. Turns out, those plans were to meet a random senior from their school, and Bokuto heard that Akaashi had been hanging out with their senior recently. The familiar jealousy burned in the pits of his stomach, and the only way to quell that fire was to drink. He downed shot after shot, until he couldn’t even remember why he was upset in the first place. 

When he finally managed to unlock the door to their apartment, he was too tired to hold himself up that he just collapsed at the entrance with a loud thud, scaring Akaashi half to death. He wrinkled his nose at the smell of alcohol, but helped Bokuto up anyway. “Bokuto-san, you need to sleep in your bed. Sleeping on the floor isn’t good for you.” He stated, though he was sure Bokuto wasn’t even conscious. 

“You used to call me Koutarou, Keiji.” Bokuto mumbled, causing Akaashi to pause. “I still love you, you know? I don’t want you to replace me with that senior, he isn’t as good as me. He doesn’t know you like I do. I’m the ace, Keiji, right? I’m  **your** ace.” Bokuto continued to ramble. “Bokuto-san, you’re just drunk-” 

“... I do love you though. I let you go because I love you. I’m hurting because I love you. I ended up in this state because I love you and I’m not letting some random senior we hardly know steal you away from me.” Akaashi sighed, turning to face Bokuto properly now that the older male was standing on his own two feet. 

“He was just guiding me on my project, Bokuto-san. It was nothing-” 

“ _ Koutarou.”  _

“What?”

“If you still love me, call me by my first name.”

There was silence, and then Boktuo started towards his own room without another sound, seemingly sobered up. “Forget what I said, I am drunk…” He said over his shoulder, but didn’t turn around. 

“K-Koutarou.” Akaashi whispered, causing bokuto to halt. “You have your answer now, don’t you? I didn’t want to hold you back further so I convinced myself to let you go. I knew it was my fault we didn’t work out, I was always distant, I never really invested myself in the relationship. I was scared, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t give you a fair chance. I’ve been working on that, I asked Konoha-san tips on how to relax, I tried to confide in you more - as a friend - but, when you say things like this… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m ready to try again, all I know is that I still love you, but I want us to actually enjoy being in a relationship this time.” 

“You can’t completely blame yourself,  _ keiji.  _ I was at fault too. I’m oblivious to most things, Kuroo has told me that countless times. I knew you were insecure about our relationship, but looking back, ever since you entered university, I never tried to prove to you that you had no reason to be. I’m not the reliable stone you thought I was, I relied on you too- and I love you. I love you so goddamn much that I could tell how much you were hurting, so I told myself to let you go.” 

“Koutarou…”

“Keiji, I know you aren’t sure if you are ready to try this relationship with me again. But please, let me prove myself. I want us to try this again, to try  _ us  _ again. What we had, it wasn’t perfect, but whenever I was with you, I knew that no one else would ever be able to replace you. So please, will you be my boyfriend?” 

Akaashi lowered his head, letting the tears he had been holding back spill over. 

“I should be the one who apologises…” He sobbed, feeling Bokuto’s wamth envelop him. The warmth that he missed, the smell of Bokuto that told him that he was home.  _ How could he think that he could ever let Bokuto go?  _

“I would love to be your boyfriend, Koutarou. Let’s… work through things together from now on, shall we?” 

“No more secrets?”

“No more secrets.” Akaashi promised, leaning up to kiss Bokuto sweetly. “Urgh, you taste like alcohol. Go take a shower and sober up. Also, if you happen to say all this in a drunken stupor and make me look like an idiot tomorrow, I will never let you go.” 

“I’m sober! I swear! I’ll go shower, and you can warm up the bed~?” 

“Hurry up, don’t make me wait too long.”

“Aw~ I love this cute side of you.”

“Do you want to sleep on the couch tonight?” Akaashi’s tone turned threatening, and Bokuto yelped, hurrying off to the bathroom. 

That night, Akaashi felt like he was finally at rest, nestled under Bokuto’s arm. After years of believing that he was chasing after the one he loves, he could finally turn his head and see that they were right beside him, all this time. 


End file.
